Commercials at movie theaters are bullshit
Three weeks ago, I decided to finally see Eternal Sunshine. I liked the movie, but was disturbed by the whole theater experience. You see, I’m from a small town in Polk County, Florida. OK, OK, the town of Bartow, right in the middle of the bustling metropolises of Lakeland and Winter Haven. Actually, Bartow is the county seat. (Locals somehow squeeze almost 3 syllables out of this name, and call it “Bart-touw.”) Rumor has it that those other 2 HUGE towns were fighting over which one would hold this fabulous honor, and when neither side would give, our Bartow was given this illustrious title.
Yeah, I’ve trailed off, back to the point. Anyway, in Bartow, there are no movie theaters, and when you finally get out to a city where there is one, you don’t expect much because, well, you’re in a little ass city in Polk County, and there are cows (the beef kind) and orange trees galore. Lotsa big billboards with pictures of live cows, and the huge letters, “Beef: it’s what’s for dinner,” or steakhouses with a big ass Angus bull on the billboard. Kinda gross, but reality. Basically, the point is that the movie industry is not the crazed lunacy it is here. It’s a fun thing to do sometimes, like play mini golf or eat at Fat Boy’s BarBQ (they have really good BBQ beans). Actually, Polk County is the only place I’ve ever seen skateboarders wearing cowboy hats, and I don’t mean surf-style cowboy hats.
There I go again, ANYWAY, when I first came to LA, I saw the screening theater at Paramount, with those fabulous $700 seats, and marveled at the fabulousness a theater can be. So plush and spacious, amazing sound and picture, you feel like you’re really in for an experience. Then I spent a few years seeing very few movies, mostly independents in small theaters.
That was until 3 weeks ago, well, that’s when I first noticed it anyway. Went to a theater on the boardwalk in Santa Monica. Actually saw The Stepford Wives the day it was released a couple of days later at another theater in the same chain (Loews). BOTH theaters were insanely small, and the seats were so close to each other, we were all sitting practically on top of each other. As if that wasn’t enough, these seats were extremely uncomfortable, didn’t recline back far enough, and they had no support for my head or neck. Worse, you had to arrive earlier than you would for a Southwest flight to not be in the first 3 rows, and WORST OF ALL, there were about 10 commercials before the movie. I don’t mean previews, there were 10 of those too, but actual fucking commercials. Bad ones, too. I’ve sworn off of Fanta from this point forward.
It’s total bullshit. Commercials when I'm basically locked in to a crowded theater, and have no escape, no fast forward button on the remote, and I paid $10 fucking dollars to see the movie in the first place. Guess what, it costs just as much or more to see a movie, but now I have to sit through commercials. What! How is that possible? Theater owners, show some integrity! Don't you already rip us off enough with $4 Cokes and $5 popcorns?
Due to these bullshit commercials, I wonder if I can actually make plans after seeing a movie. Does 98 minute running time mean with or without commercials? How long are the commercials? What time will I actually get out?
At this point, I’d rather sit comfortably on my couch, drinking a perfectly mixed Coke from a can that cost me a grand total of 25 cents since I bought a case 4 days ago, and eat popcorn or dinner or whatever I want, while I watch a video from the store down the street. And the whole thing will be a better experience for cheaper.
Crowded theaters, uncomfortable seats, smaller screens, and expensive food and drinks have been slowly eating away at the pleasure of going to a theater for a while now. Commercials have completed the cycle. Movies are supposed to be an escape from the every day monotony, if only for a couple of hours. In a world already overfilled with advertisements, the sanctity of the theater has now been taken. It just makes me love my little video store more and more every day.
So, if you agree about the fact that it’s total bullshit for movie theaters to force feed commercials to a caged-in audience who paid at least $10 bucks for that sheer pleasure, you can sign this petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?cmpaa
Yeah, I’ve trailed off, back to the point. Anyway, in Bartow, there are no movie theaters, and when you finally get out to a city where there is one, you don’t expect much because, well, you’re in a little ass city in Polk County, and there are cows (the beef kind) and orange trees galore. Lotsa big billboards with pictures of live cows, and the huge letters, “Beef: it’s what’s for dinner,” or steakhouses with a big ass Angus bull on the billboard. Kinda gross, but reality. Basically, the point is that the movie industry is not the crazed lunacy it is here. It’s a fun thing to do sometimes, like play mini golf or eat at Fat Boy’s BarBQ (they have really good BBQ beans). Actually, Polk County is the only place I’ve ever seen skateboarders wearing cowboy hats, and I don’t mean surf-style cowboy hats.
There I go again, ANYWAY, when I first came to LA, I saw the screening theater at Paramount, with those fabulous $700 seats, and marveled at the fabulousness a theater can be. So plush and spacious, amazing sound and picture, you feel like you’re really in for an experience. Then I spent a few years seeing very few movies, mostly independents in small theaters.
That was until 3 weeks ago, well, that’s when I first noticed it anyway. Went to a theater on the boardwalk in Santa Monica. Actually saw The Stepford Wives the day it was released a couple of days later at another theater in the same chain (Loews). BOTH theaters were insanely small, and the seats were so close to each other, we were all sitting practically on top of each other. As if that wasn’t enough, these seats were extremely uncomfortable, didn’t recline back far enough, and they had no support for my head or neck. Worse, you had to arrive earlier than you would for a Southwest flight to not be in the first 3 rows, and WORST OF ALL, there were about 10 commercials before the movie. I don’t mean previews, there were 10 of those too, but actual fucking commercials. Bad ones, too. I’ve sworn off of Fanta from this point forward.
It’s total bullshit. Commercials when I'm basically locked in to a crowded theater, and have no escape, no fast forward button on the remote, and I paid $10 fucking dollars to see the movie in the first place. Guess what, it costs just as much or more to see a movie, but now I have to sit through commercials. What! How is that possible? Theater owners, show some integrity! Don't you already rip us off enough with $4 Cokes and $5 popcorns?
Due to these bullshit commercials, I wonder if I can actually make plans after seeing a movie. Does 98 minute running time mean with or without commercials? How long are the commercials? What time will I actually get out?
At this point, I’d rather sit comfortably on my couch, drinking a perfectly mixed Coke from a can that cost me a grand total of 25 cents since I bought a case 4 days ago, and eat popcorn or dinner or whatever I want, while I watch a video from the store down the street. And the whole thing will be a better experience for cheaper.
Crowded theaters, uncomfortable seats, smaller screens, and expensive food and drinks have been slowly eating away at the pleasure of going to a theater for a while now. Commercials have completed the cycle. Movies are supposed to be an escape from the every day monotony, if only for a couple of hours. In a world already overfilled with advertisements, the sanctity of the theater has now been taken. It just makes me love my little video store more and more every day.
So, if you agree about the fact that it’s total bullshit for movie theaters to force feed commercials to a caged-in audience who paid at least $10 bucks for that sheer pleasure, you can sign this petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?cmpaa
1 Comments:
It's a shame you don't still blog. Or at least haven't for at least a year, I see.
You are funny and have a good style of writing. I enjoyed your 3 posts and wish there were more.
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